Happy Thanksgiving: Top Five Apple Rumors To Prepare For In 2013

To all readers of AppleBitch.com, we hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving.  We are really thankful for your readership over the past year, so we’ve put our heads together to predict what next year is going to look like to keep you coming back for more.

We would like to present the top five rumors you’re gonna hear about in 2013:

5. The iPad Mini Gets Retina Display
Only three months after the launch of the iPad mini, Apple releases a brand new iPad mini with Retina Display and a processor that’s four times as fast as the previous version. Sadly the battery life has to suffer a little, but there’s a lot you can accomplish in 37 minutes.

4. The iPhone 5S Is Released
The iPhone that is the biggest thing to happen to iPhone since iPhone gets unleashed upon the public. It has a slightly faster processor, Siri 2 and somehow manages to change everything. Again.

Digitimes reports supplies will be constrained.

3. iWork ’13 Gets Kicked And Clarisworks Makes A Comeback
In a phenomenal resurgence for Apple’s flagship office software, Clarisworks is reinvigorated with full 8 bit color and iWork is kicked to the curb.

Writers of iWork ’13 For Dummies sue Apple.

2. iMac 27 Inch Retina Display Is Finally Unleashed
Apple releases an 27 inch iMac with Retina Display. The pixel density is so high that humanity has to invent an entirely new unit of measurement to deal with it. Say hello to your new 326 PPPB (Pixels Per Picometer, Bitch) display.

1. The Apple Television Is Released
Apple finally releases an amazing aluminum unibody television. In the interests of moving technology forward, the company ditches SCART, HDMI, VGA and Co-axial connections in favor of a Thunderbolt connection. Fortunately, dongles are available (SCART-Thunderbolt, HDMI-Thunderbolt, VGA-Thunderbolt and Co-axial-Thunderbolt) for $69.99 each.

The Apple television does come with EarPods though.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Turkey, Beer And Football…

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  • byron church

    No iWatch?

  • ChuckBlack

    You missed the biggest one that all the pro users are waiting for. A new Mac Pro!